Cultural liabilities and assets
Last week, my 8-year-old prepared for an important audition after spending 6 months in a modeling and acting program. Although she was extremely stressed, she stayed late for many hours on a Zoom call, patiently waited her turn, and delivered her lines with bravado. The next day, when I went to pick her up, her first question was if she had made the selection.
Out of the 86 candidates ranging from 8 to 19 years old, 24 were selected including my daughter. The judges called me and told me that they were impressed with her memorization skills and her dedication. She said she was happy to know that she made it and was given the option to join the program at Disney. However, she did not want to attend and I did not have to make any financial arrangements. She had changed her mind lately and wanted to focus on her gymnastics competition. From my observation, her performance skills, public presence, and confidence are fairly advanced for her age, while her gymnastics skills are still being developed.
My dream to live vicariously through her was denied, and I tried for many hours to make her change her mind. She was strong, loud, and reminded that she could make her own decision. I gave up at the end. I was proud of her perspective and her ability to assert herself. In the end, I supported her decision and declined the program invitation.
You see, growing up, I was not allowed to disagree with my parents or to raise my voice at them. Obedience, especially obedience to your parents was a l’ordre du jour and I would have never thought that it would be possible for me to change my mind after being accepted to a program. My daughter displayed a set of values that I was not raised with. My accounting mindset was activated and I started thinking about how we should consider these cultural assets and liabilities.
Growing up in the Caribbean, I was surrounded by a community that elevated religious and traditional values. I went to an all-girls catholic school in Haiti for twelve years. The school and the education received shaped me into the person I am today. Most of my memories from these formative years are joyous and filled with nostalgia. I was an obedient kid and open to all teachings, At the basis of this education were religion (catholicism) and strict devotion to Mary (Christ’s mom). The school is run by Les Soeurs de la Sagesse (The Sisters of Wisdom). We were taught and encouraged to apply some of the virtues exhibited by the Virgin Mary and were numerically graded on religion, discipline, and politeness. Our actions and interactions were observed, dissected, and translated into grades in our monthly report cards, which were received and signed by our parents. Our professors reinforced theological values such as obedience, respect for authority, humility, obedience, patience, hard work, and resilience daily through biblical and contemporary examples. I have religiously adopted these values and it is only recently that I have started to question some of them and now consider them as liabilities in my professional life.
In the Cambridge dictionary, a liability is something or someone that caused you a lot of trouble, often when that thing or person should be helping you.
Silly politeness made me unable or uneasy to contradict anyone older than me (Thou shall not cause any embarrassment to anybody in public! ). Yes, it is extremely challenging for me to tell people they are wrong and I have to edit and re-edit my messages or spend sleepless nights practicing my explanation in my mind. A similar directive was to never interrupt a discussion between elders or superiors. I followed this to the letters and I am still not able to interrupt two Haitian elders talking. I am uneasy about giving my opinion or sharing my knowledge during my meeting with senior executives (I challenge myself daily). I am annoyingly modest and struggle to showcase and take credit for my achievements in my performance reviews and in public channels. We were discouraged and penalized for being loud about our successes. Silence is the best marketing, let others recognize you, and be humble like the Virgin Mary, the nuns said. Se tanbou vid ki de plis bri (Empty drums are the loudest), said my parents. Work hard, and don’t talk loud, what you deserve will follow. Well, in the corporate world in America, this is BS. I realized how this ingrained modesty is a killer for women and immigrants’ careers condemning them to a world of subordination and stolen recognition.
What is good is bad, and what is bad is good. I recognize how these cultural traits can become liabilities and although it is against my nature, I do my best to be more “americanized” in my professional values, I am a work in process and my daughter is one of my teachers. She teaches me that while obedience, humility, and modesty were considered assets in my balance sheet, in this new world, her disobedience, brashness, and assertiveness are golden and glorified... even by my parents whom I am still not able to say no to.
How do we transform these liabilities into intangible assets?
